A Life-Less Ordinary

November 18, 2003 - 9:22 p.m.

Lying here with you

Listening to the rain

Smiling just to see the smile upon your face

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive

These are the moments I'll remember all my life

I found all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes

Seeing all I need

Everything you are is everything to me

These are the moments

I know heaven must exist

These are the moments I know all I need is this

I have all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Every prayer has been answered

Every dream I have's come true

And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive

These are the moments I'll remember all my life

I've got all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than the love you give me

'Coz it's all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more

- - - -

*sigh* Sooo happy right now.. Sooo Happy!!

~*~*~

November 17, 2003 - 10:33 p.m.

[Currently listening to: I'll Be by Edwin McCain]

I saw'd a shooting star. I saw'd a shooting star! *dances around* I finally got to watch the meteor shower with andrew! ((i know, 2 stars don't count but shut up.. hehe)) Even though it was a pretty short night it doesn't matter because I was with him so that makes everything like so amazing and perfect and nothing could be better! I mean nothing!

Well lets see- school didn't suck. Dance didn't suck. I laid out under the stars with Andrew and was happy. Yep, this was the exact opposite of Friday!

Oh but drama - Grrr. People can make you really want to punch them in the face sometimes. I'm incharge of the costumes and well, people don't listen to me. Makes me all stressed out because I am trying to do my job and no one will listen. They'd rather throw the clothes all over the room so I can play maid. I'm sorry, but that's the ugly hockey players job! ((i'm so nice, SUPER DUPER nice.))

Wow, tonight, best night EVER!

I told Andrew how I felt, and you know what as scared as I was, saying it just felt so nice. You know what felt even bettter though? Hearing him say it back, and hearing him say that he had wanted to say it for such a long time. Took my breath away. Well, thinking about it does that too, but yeah. *SWOON*

Well, I think I should be off to bed to dream about my prince charming and this PERFECT night!

~*~*~

November 16, 2003 - 12:31 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Best Of me by Starting Line ]

Okay, who *loves this new layout. I do! I do! I saw it and it reminded of me and Andrews Island so all I could do was smile big smiles! ((and use it))

Yesterday- yesterday was a much better day then Friday. Besides the fact I was in large amount of pain I got to see Andrew and well- you know I can't help but smile when I'm around him. He came over and attempted ((and succeeded)) to make me feel better.

Also, remember how I was debating about 3 certain lil ((HUGE)) words that I was afraid to say? Well, he said them, accidentally, but still. It gave me confidence to tell him how I feel.

Last night was amazing.

Ella slept over and we stayed up until like 3 in the morning talking about the CRAZIEST things known to man. How we came up with them I do not know, but it was hilarious. And we watched Sex and the city and it was about S-H-O-E-S! It was a really funny episode, gotta love that show! I know I do! Brrrr.. it's the after noon and I'm still in PJ's because it's insanely cold!

SKATING TONIGHT!

Well hopefully. It's the plan. Me, Ella, Al and Andrew. Not too sure if the plan will actully you know- happen. But Maybe. It would make me smile, cuz Andrew has never skated before which means me, the skating pro ((LoL)) will be teaching him! This is going to be hilarious! Going to get flim for my camera and take pictures so I can remember this forever and ever!

Anyways, Lunch!

Soooo starving!

*muah*

~*~*~

November 15, 2003 - 8:38 p.m.

Only two more days, until your birthday

Yesterday was mine

You'll be turning five

I know what it's like, growing up without your father in your life

So I pretend, I'm doing all I can

And I hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand

Why I'm not around

And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting

For you to come

Remember waiting

For you to call

Remember waiting there to find nothing at all

I remember waiting

For you to come

Remember waiting

For you to call

Waiting there to find nothing at all

maybe someday

you really get to know me

not just the letters read to you

I pray I get the chance

To make it up to you

We got a lot of catching up to do

So I pretend, I'm doing all I can

And hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand

Why I'm not around

And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting

For you to come

Remember waiting

For you to call

Remember waiting there to find nothing at all

I remember waiting

For you to come

Remember waiting

For you to call

Waiting there to find nothing at all

Forgive me!

I'm so sorry!

I will make it up to you....

~*~*~

November 14, 2003 - 8:48 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Say anything by Good Charlotte ]

This has been the crappiest day known to man in god knows how long. Everything today just was *so* bad. Besides the fact that I found out how bad my marks are ((50% in Poli Sci. 66% in math. 94% in Drama)) but Dance was just painful, and the day was extrememly long and sucky.

So I come home from a hellish dance practice, looking forward to hanging out with the one person who could possibly make me forget about how bad everything was, and what happens. I get ditched, and that isn't the thing that upsets me. Infact it doesn't really bother me, the thing is, I just feel so upset for no reason. He's making me feel like how Brian use to make me feel. Every scary little feeling that I don't want to have to expirence. I care about him so much, and I don't want to have to go through everything all over again. The whole emotionally painful break up. The crying and being a bitch and ugh.... the things I don't want to remember.

I blame him. Why'd he have to make me so scared of loving again? I don't want to end up not being able to talk ((or even look)) at Andrew! Speaking of, has been 5 months since he and I talked, and thats not counting GOOD things said to each other. How said is that? I don't want that happening this time!!! I care about Andrew so deeply, probably more then I wish I did. But how I feel, it's so amazing. To be so happy, and giddy, and not wanting to... well you know. It's so weird.

He promised me that we would see each other this weekend. I remember his promises; the ones that never came true. I don't know why I'm compairing Brian to Andrew. They are nothing alike, yet some how I see things in Andrew that remind me of Brian. Maybe it's how I feel that reminds me of Brian.

Oh yes, and if anyone can find me a good copy of the Ataris song - the saddest song, I would really appriate it. That song brings back some things so I'd like to actully have a good copy.

Ugh... May. I can't stand thinking about May and wondering....wondering so many things. I really need to get off here before I drive myself overboard.

Going outside to watch the meteor shower.. Alone *sigh*

~*~*~

November 11, 2003 - 11:27 a.m.

[Currently listening to: Not Enough by Our Lady Peace.]

Oh my gosh. Last night was.. Intresting. The drinking Binge went down as planned, we went down to the elementary school, opened up our bottles of really strong booze and got ready for an very cool night. Drinking on a monday night! How *cool* is that so cool or what?!?

Haha. I got to see Nick, well one step below drunk. It was pretty funny. Of course, one of us ended up drinking a little too much ((i won't say who so that not to embarress them.)) So we ended up taking care of them last night, and well.. it was an expirence. Now I know what I put everyone at Christinas Party in May. Man, makes me never want to drink again! Of course I will, but makes me not wanna.

Anyways, Hockey game tonight. Hopefully going to be a big group of us! Should be pretty awsome, I know I can't wait!

Anyways I can smell my pizza cooking.

MMM.. yummmy

~*~*~

November 10, 2003 - 6:33 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Josie by Blink 182]

Woh, dance was tiring, but tonight is hopefully going to be fun. Since Tomorrow is remembrance day, the girls and I are drinking! ((well we're SUPPOSE to be drinking)) Oh, and Nick. Can't forget Nickie. Well he's pretty much one of the girls anyways :P. Today was pretty funny. We had offblock second and Allison, the goddess she is bought me some yummy chippies so I wouldn't starve. Gotta pay her back one of these days. She's hopefully coming to the hockey game tomorrow night with us, and sleeping over on Saturday night after I take her shopping and dress her like a girl.. lol. Should be SUPER DUPER fun!

Anyways, not much else going on. I'm so scared about my marks. Math, math sucks. I hate Math this year, it was just so much better last year! My teacher is such a freaking dork, with his non-funny jokes that he thinks are just *SO* great. Puh-leaze! My dead grandfather can crack better jokes.. and he's 6 feet under!

I wish I knew where everyone was. Nick just came online so maybe he knows where Ella is. HaHa I'll laugh my ass off if it ends up being just him and I! LoL.. atleast I know I won't come onto him like I did with a certain dirty boy ((Ick.. *SO* disgusting!)) Hehe.. Nick is an Awsome guy! I remember when I liked him. Man those were some crazy days! ((this summer.. ahahahaha))

Holy.. Man... I wanna tell Andrew I love Him, but I'm so scared to! How can people do it so easily?!? I mean, he means the word to me. I could tell him anything else ((well almost anything else)) but when it comes to those three HUGE words.. I freeze... will freeze. I just don't want to say them and

#1. Have him *NOT* say them back.

#2. Or say them and *LOSE* him.

He's just so perfect in every concievible way. To think that I could ever feel this happy again is shocking. I figured that I would feel somewhat happy, but this. It's just so scary. So intense. I don't want to rush things.

RUSHING = BAD!!!

Anyways.. Supper... Mmmm.. food.

Prolly write more later, aftering the drinking binge!

A *hug* and a Kiss *muah* for Andrew. My knight and shining Armour!

November 09, 2003 - 9:59 p.m.

[Currently listening to:How I spent my summer vacation by the ataris]

I'm so cold right now. How could it go from like early September weather to like December weather in like 2 days. It isn't fair! I want warm weather, so that I can be outside and not die of coldness.

So tonight, when I was comfy in my comfy clothes, Ella came over and dragged me out of my house ((Lol, not true. I went freely)) and she and I went to meet up with Andrew ((Swoon)) and Sylvain and keith and this colin guy and we went down to tim hortens for some warmth in a cup. Then we all walked around colby for a little while and was very very cold. Seriously, if it wasn't for Andrew I might have died. He kept me as warm as he possibly could. :) He's the best guy ever. I seriously think I might be falling in love with him. There. I used that word. Love. What a scary fucking word! But I don't know any other way to discribe how I feel but with that word. I can barely put into words how much he means to me. It's like.... everything I've ever wanted is within my reach when I'm with him. Like I could do anything, be anyone, aslong as he believes in me.

It's like this song I'm listening to.

Got out of bed today.

I'm in love, what can I say?

I'm really happy to be

somewhere with someone who makes me happy

I took the bus downtown.

All day long I walked around.

I looked at all the sights

And thought about how lucky I am now.

Man, I have had a constant smile ((excluding halloween weekend)) on my face since like the day I started talking to him. It just doesn't faid. Being this happy.. being this happy is better then anything I could ask for. Seriously... he's the prime example of swoonage.

Anyways... Yeah.

I'm so cold! Man.. I wish Andrew was here to warm me up. He's good at that! Maybe I should put pants on. That might make me warmer.. but I don't really wanna. Haha.

~*~*~

November 05, 2003 - 8:41 p.m.

[Currently listening to:Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional]

Wow, it's November Already.

Man - this time last year Ella and Me weren't on speaking terms. I was beginning my downward spiril with Brian and just starting to be friends with Colin. Now me and Ella are the BEST of Friends, I'm with Andrew --happier then I've been in MONTHS-- and Colin is my favortist person ever! How things change! ((For the Good, may I add))

Well, October ended boringly, and November is shaping up to me very intretsing. *knock on wood* Not to curse the hell out of myself, but things could ROCK! LoL. Actully, I don't mind that I'm cursing the hell outta myself b'cause I'm just too gosh darn happy! ((Yes, I just said gosh darn))

Speaking of - Andrew was over last night and we watched Cruel Intentions. *swoon* Him - not the movie. Man, I'm finding it harder and harder to put into words how I feel about him. That is a bit intemidating, and slighty frightening. I know one word I could use, but I'm not using it until I'm ABSOULTLY sure that is what I'm feeling towards him. There is a difference between strong like and... well you know.

But no matter what word I use to describe how I'm feeling, it doesn't matter because he makes me feel... like a giggling love struck school girl. HeHeHe. I feel so special, and happy, and loved and man.... I don't want to let this feeling go. I'm going to hold onto this AS LONG AS POSSIBLE! He's like NOBODY I've ever met before, he's better. He's this cute, sweet, nice, AMAZING guy that I so don't deserve, and my parents love him! Which is sucha bonus because after last time.. I never thought they would like a boyfriend of mine AGAIN!

*love is wonderful*

~*~*~

October 29, 2003 - 9:47 p.m.

[Currently listening to:I.O.U. one Galaxy by the Ataris ]

Woh, Long time no post.

I guess my "extremely exciting" life has been keeping me busy. Note the sarcism. I've meant to write it here, but I just haven't had the chance. But yes, some great things have been happening lately. Mostly -- Andrew.

Yes, Andrew.

I can't even put into words how I'm feeling right now, and guess what? That kinda scares me, mostly because I don't want to get hurt. He makes me feel.. well.. happy! Yes, happy! Me and Happy have not met in a VERY long time and it's nice to know that it's hasn't forgotten me.

But I'm so scared that now that I've admitted that I'm happy, everything could be so easily taken away from me. I don't want to feel how I did for so many months. I don't want to do what I did for so many months. I want to keep this happiness going and never let go, Because I know the second I let go I'm going to return to my downward spiril of hopelessness.

I want to let him in, and tell him my secrets, every deep dark one I have. But I'm scared the second I do I'm going to lose him, because who really wants to take care of a chairity case.

Oh by the way - some people are really rude and say mean things that they might think are funny but other people are very offensive. I think you know who you are!

~*~*~

October 18, 2003 - 12:22 p.m.

[Currently listening to:Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana ]

You know who I hate, whoever told the clean-up crews for the hurrician to work at 5 in the moring cleaning up the sticks on my street. Five in the moring! I was sleeping, I had just gotten to sleep when the annoying sound of bulldozers woke me up! Grrrrr.. I was mad! Do they not think that maybe people were asleep and did not want to be rudely woken up?!? Man, people don't think! That pisses me off.

Anyways, besides that, last night was fun. I went walking around with Colin, and Andrew and Sylvain (i hope I spelt that right) and a BUNCH of other guys that I really didn't know. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, why would I walk around in the cold when I'm sick? Well the fact of the matter is, it was going to be fun, and I didn't want to stay home and be bored outta my mind! We walked around everywhere, they dropped this box of goodies off at this girls party, and then we went looking for the party I was invited to. Unfortunatly, I couldn't remember what house it was at, so we just ended up walking around alot until we reached Wendy's. Then we stayed in there a while, and then walked some more. It was sooooooo cold! But I have my sexy mitten so it was all good.

So eventully we ended up at Sylvain's house and stayed there while, watched some TV. Then it got late and we all just walked home. LoL. Okay, so maybe the written version doesn't do the real version any good, but if you had been there you would have had as much fun as I did! Those guys are alot of fun to hang out with, must do that again sometime, if they will have me.

So now it's Saturday morning/afternoon and I need plans for today. I haven't talked to Ella since yesterday after school. I should call her when I get off the computer and see what SHE is doing today! Maybe we could go see a movie or something, I haven't been to a movie since I saw 2 fast 2 furious in MAY! Holy. Man, we are so going! I wanna see sooooo many movies, especially Kill Bill, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacare! Or the house of the dead, that one looks really scary! (which means under my terms, and darkness falls scared me so I KNOW that I will get my money's worth!)

Yeah, so anyways. Not much else to say. I didn't get my interm on Thrusday because I wasn't at school, and I forgot on Friday so now I have to wait until MONDAY! Uh-oh. Well I know I'm passing everything (i think. Poli Sci might be bad *gulp*)

Enough about school. No school until Monday, and maybe I will run away to me and Andrew's math free island before that! Yep, down with math!

Later

~*~*~

October 17, 2003 - 7:30 p.m.

One more time in this game we play

Sorry that I couldn't make you stay

Placing pieces in the floor

Of all the things that we loved before

Like puddles, in the rain

Like puddles, we wash away

Hate me now so I can move on

Make it easier to see that you're gone

All the things they're gone too

Turn and changed into memories

Like puddles, in the rain

Like puddles, we wash away

New York City streets with friends by your side

Telling stories in words who've left us behind

All the things we'll never say

Leaving like puddles in the rain

Like puddles in the rain

We wash away

Like puddles in the rain

We wash away

--Yesterday -- ×Parisian Adventure× --Tomorrow--