A Life-Less Ordinary

December 25, 2003 - 5:25 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Why worry by All american rejects]

Merry Christmas! *Kiss under the mistoe for everyone!*

Yes today is Christmas and I, am happy. You can blame Andrew for this one, I think he cured my fear of holidays with his amazing smile because I'm not sad. I'm the opposite. I'm estatic.

I got alot of stuff christmas, ALOT of stuff. I got a claddaugh ring to replace the one I gave back. I got a lava lamp! I got really comfy PJ's with shoes on them, that I have on right now. And alot more that I can't even begin to describe. Santa was good to me.

Unfortunatly as great as my christmas was, my little sister had a slightly crappy christmas morning. Her sleazy boyfriend broke up with her, this morning, over the phone. I know, it could have been msn like my exes have done, but none of them ever did it on a holiday! come on... CHRISTMAS DAY! That's almost bad as Valentines day. He's dead, that's all I can say. Ella's helping me out with this one, and if there are any more helpers, you are ALL welcome!

Anyways, I'm all full from Christmas dinner. I ate in my pj's, hehe! Woh, eatten alot today, more then I probably should have. Throut hurts again, darn. Time for the icky red spray that tastes like ass, yey.

Ella got a cellphone, lucky bitch. I'm sad little girl who doesn't. *Cries*

Okay done now.

*Muah*

~*~*~

December 25, 2003 - 12:45 p.m.

On this coldest of January nights

We drive out past the runway and watch the planes go flying by

The runway lights are the deepest blue like the colors of your eyes

So close them tight and kiss me one last time

If you could go anywhere right now

Where would you go?

And would you miss me when you get there?

No place that I would rather be

Please don't let me go falling from the sky

The "fasten seatbelt" sign just needs to go out

If only you could be right here by my side

Home wouldn't seem so far from here

Passport, customs, carry on, remember

To shut off all of your electronic devices

Fell asleep on Tuesday woke up Monday afternoon

I slept right through your International Date Line

If you could go anywhere right now

Where would you go?

And would you miss me when you get there?

No place that I would rather be

Please don't let me go falling from the sky

The "fasten seatbelt" sign just needs to go out

If only you could be right here by my side

Home wouldn't seem so far from here

Please don't let me go falling from the sky

The "fasten seatbelt" sign just needs to go out

If only you could be right here by my side

Home wouldn't seem so far from here

~*~*~

December 24, 2003 - 9:58 p.m.

[Currently listening to: My Beautiful by Christina Aguilera]

*2 months*

I just realized I forgot to put that in the last entry. Can you believe it? I can't, it seems like just yesterday we started going out. When infact just yesterday, two months ago was the night he came over so we could hang out, and Courtney and Colin showed up, much to my dismay.

Well we exchanged gifts today. He gave me the cutest lil stuffed puppy in the whole wide world. It's all soft and stuff. I WUV IT! *hugs it tightly* Then we walked around Colby for a while just being together, it was nice. I liked us being together, not just being on my couch in the basement. LoL.

I think I should just start a section devoted to me having scary true horescopes, but I'll just show them off. Here is yesterday's, and yes I completely agree that this is completely true, and right on.

You'd rather not see or think about your ex, but you can't deny that he or she taught you some valuable lessons. Your current lover might want to thank this person for the present version of you. You're just so perfect for this relationship.

Weird. All I'm saying. All that needs to be said.

Anyways Santa is on his way, and I'm looking at a Green christmas. Wow. How nice. Green. I'd kill for snow, okay not Kill, but mame. What ever happened to a good old christmas miricle you see in all those christmas movies, huh? I want snow! pwease?

Hanging out in my PJ's and about to drink egg nog. How cliche! Well the christmas list isn't completely answered. Number 1, and Number 5 are all answered, but that's only 2 outta 5. The 3 in the middle still need to be answered. Remember that christmas miricle, can it be used for either of those three?

Off to have visions of sugar plums dance in my head, aka Bed!

Merry Christmas all! Yep, I actully said Merry Christmas! Be proud, be proud!

*Muah* - Andrew.

~*~*~

December 24, 2003 - 12:35 p.m.

[Currently listening to: My Iris by Goo Goo Dolls]

It's Christmas Eve guys.

Well Christmas Eve day, actully.

The last couple days haven't been my best days. I've had a bad case of, I don't know, call them the holiday blues. I think it may have been the stress of having to buy presents for people, on the 22nd of Decemember. Okay here is what I got.

Mummy - A really really nice frame that says "I love skating" on it, and skates and stuff. She's going to Cry.

Daddy - horror movie about a guy with a chain saw for a hand. He'll love it.

Krista - A shirt that says "Rock on". I'd wear it, so therefore she'll love it.

Andrew - The romantic basket thing I had planned didn't work because when I went out to buy the things I couldn't find anything, there fore, I went to plan two. I got him a ID bracelet that is pretty sweet, and almost costs more then the other 3 gifts put together. I didn't have time to get it engraved, but I'll save that for another day.

Anyways, Before Andrew comes over I need to give ella her gift. Write more tonight probably. Or tomorrow.

~*~*~

December 20, 2003 - 6:34 p.m.

[Currently listening to: My Christmas List by Simple Plan]

Okay Cross #5 of my christmas list of the last entry. Last night Andrew came over and we finally watched Finding Nemo! What a cute movie, I loved it. Okay maybe I loved the fact that I was watching it with him, but never the less it was a really good movie. My Poli Sci teacher had it on it class yesterday, but I was kinda asleep. I was so sick in school yesterday, but I grinned and tried to bare it because I just wanted to see him so badly and I knew if I didn't go to school, mummy wouldn't let him come over in the evening.

Do you know what I realized last night? I'm so in love with him. Okay I know that is pretty stupid because I constantly say how "I love him" and stuff. But what I realized last night was different, is was.. more. I'm not so sure if I can explain this without sounding cheesy but what I realized last night was I don't just love him, I'm *IN* love with him. Every part of him. I don't think I've ever been this happy before, atleast not in a very long time. He brings out a part of me, that I was almost scared to let show.

This whole summer I was so afraid of letting myself get close to someone. So afraid of opening my heart fully and telling someone how much they mean to me, at fear that in the end they would leave me. But with him, with him I'm not afraid. I'm not worried. Because I love him so deeply and so intensely that everything else just cancels out. Since the day I met him, I've just had these strong feelings for him. He's one of the only people I know that has been able to make me smile no matter the mood I was in.

When I think back to, well as early as September, and think about how I was feeling, how unhappy I was, the horrible things I was doing and thinking, I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I hadn't made it to now. If I wasn't in this place in my life, well it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I'm getting better, atleast I think I am, and I have to thank him for that. He makes me want to be good to myself, and not hurt myself.

Anyways.

Not much else going on. Haven't gone Christmas shopping.. yet. Yep, only 4 more days until Christmas day ((Well technically 3 1/2)) and I have yet to pick up *Anyones* gift. I'm screwed!!! Okay, maybe I not. I do have tomorrow, and Tuesday to pick up the gifts. I've never waited this long to go shopping before, ever. Woh, next year - Don't be stupid.

*Muah*

~*~*~

December 18, 2003 - 8:35 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Perfect Christmas by Sclub 7]

Yeah I know, I'm listening to icky pop music from like two christmas' ago. But I blame my low grade fever on this on! Okay maybe not *fully* but partly. I use to love Sclub 7, man, what was I thinking?! I plead temporany insanity, but oh well.

Guess what- I think I'm getting the flu! Doesn't that just BLOW!!!! I can't believe this, right before Christmas holidays! Holidays that I would like to be able to spend time with Andrew during! I don't get sick, well I barely ever get sick! Why now, why not... I don't know like *AFTER* Christmas holidays. Of course not, that just wouldn't completely ruin everything I had been looking forward to, now would it!?!?!

I hate being sick. :*(

Okay I realize that no one *actully* enjoys being sick ((Unless they are creepy and weird)) but I especially hate being sick. I'm a baby. I always need someone to take care of me, because I wanna cry. I hurt so badly, all my joints are aching. *kill me*

I haven't even had the chance to go out and buy everyone their gift, including Andrew. oh fuck. oh fuck. oh fuck. s'cuse the launage, just I *need* this Christmas to be perfect, I can't be sick. It prohibts ((like that ;)) me from shopping for my loved ones. I wanna cry. I had all these amazing plans and now, I can see them washing down the drain of life!

I don't even know anyone who has the flu, how could I possibly have gotten it? Grrrrrr... I'm mad as hell! And I'm not going to take it!

This damn song is sorta depressing me, hmmmm what could make this christmas perfect?

1. Not be sick! ((*CHRISTMAS EVE* is our two month! Christmas friggin eve!))

2. Make amends with Brian.

3. Win that Ataris contest. *crosses fingers*

4. Have my parents friends from Toronto come visit.

5. Actully get to watch "Finding Nemo" with Andrew. ((Been planning this, oh, since the *first* day we started going out it think.))

Yep, there is my letter. Santa, you wanna give me some happiness this year, there is your list. See whatcha can do, please. *begs*

Anyways, Andrew's ex sent me an email yesterday of a converstation her and Andrew had. I don't know why, she said she thought I would want to read this, or something. I don't get it, I don't think she likes me very much. But truth be told if she does hate me, I understand what I put ((not going to call her slut-o-rama, not going to call her slut-o-rama)) Felicia for a while, not that she prolly *actully* cared. But I care, he and her and like BEST FRIENDS! I want her not to hate me, I want us to get along and... may I dare say... be friends?

It's possible, isn't it? I'm not crazy talking because of the fever, right?

I'm not crazy talking, it's possible. It has to be!

Oh I got my pictures back yesterday. Some cute ones in there from us in the costume room. Can see the scars on my arms in one of them, though. I didn't think they were that noticible. There is the cutest picture of me and Andrew in there also, that I am putting on my bedside table. I wuv it! *hugs tightly* Actully I love all the pictures in there! Crazy randomness that is my life. Pictures rock socks!

Hey, I'm feeling better! *thinks* or possiblely worse. Why does this happen to me, I actully get to stay home with my boyfriend instead of travelling the country and I get sick. I know, I know. I should be in bed instead of on the computer complaining. But I just ache too much, and anyways. I get lonely. :*(

Everyone ((well almost everyone)) is at semi right now. I'm not regretting not going, I mean I wouldn't have been able anyways. I'm just worried that some amazing thing is going to happen and I'm going to miss it. Oh well, still have prom, with my sexy lil black dress. I love my dress *sooooooooooooo* much.

Uh oh, Daddy is going to be home soon with my chocolate milk.

Gotta go lie in Bed.

*muah*

I love you Andrew, more. ((hehe))

~*~*~

December 16, 2003 - 5:17 p.m.

[Currently listening to: You know you're right by Nirvana]

No school! No school! *dances*

Yep, that is right today we finally got our "snow" day. Of course I don't think there was a flake of snow to be seen, but am I complaining? No, why? Because I spent most of my day with the most amazing guy ever. Last night too, actully. Just catching up on lost time I guess you could say. Heh Heh. ;)

Entered the Ataris contest on much music. Oh do you have any idea what I would give to win that contest. You go to england, meet the band, like hang out with them, go to the concert, get a free digital camera. I wanna win so badly. I LOVE THE ATARIS!!! It would be so wicked! I would be in heaven, I could die happy! Haha.

Only 9 days until Christmas! Wow, I need to start shopping, seriously. That will be this weekend's task ((well atleast I can pick up the presents for Nats party.)) I love shopping.

Oh yeah, don't know if I mentioned this already but I'm not going to semi anymore. I was thinking about it and suddenly realized that I just had no intrest in it. Oh well, I can do something else fun Thrusday night, or just like do homework until I fall asleep at like 9o'clock. I just don't think semi would be any fun, and my dress was a bit too summer like for it anyways.

I can't wait until Christmas eve. I'm just so excited, because so far so good. I haven't felt depressed, or cried for no reason. I've been, well, happy. No, not just happy, I've been more then just plain old happy. I can't even think of a world to describe it. This, by far, has been an amazing Decemeber!

I can smell supper. *hurls* Why do my parents purposely cook food that I hate with a passion? Prolly because I'm supose to eat it, and they are going to force feed me. Stupid low iron, it's not my fault. Atleast I haven't passed out in a while, I'm actully pretty proud of myself. I've been eating more regularly, so I think I'm getting better. Atleast I hope. I hate those scary episodes I use to get, fainting on the bathroom floor is not fun.

Not much else to say. Just happy- which is why I haven't though anymore about the whole issue from the last entry. I know I should just try, but I think I'm just wishing for too much. I'm not going to bother. It would be cool for us to be friends, but I can't see it happening. Whatever. It's cool.

~*~*~

December 14, 2003 - 5:28 p.m.

[Currently listening to: There is by Box Car Racer]

My horescope

You don't believe in holding grudges. Your significant other should understand why you need to be on good terms with your ex. But you won't let this or anything else come between you. Your ongoing love story unfolds without end.

Is it wrong if I admit I miss his friendship?

I don't even know Why I suddenly miss him. I couldn't be happier with Andrew, and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else in the entire world. Everything I've ever dreamed of has come true with Andrew, so why am I thinking about "him". I'm not going to be cyrptic. I'm talking about Brian, and I wish I could some how fix this rift between us so that we could be friends again.

Maybe it's the Christmas spirit, but something has suddenly go into me that is giving me the strong urge to IM him and yet again put my ego on the line to ask for Friendship. But the fact that I'll most likely get bitched at again is not what is stopping me from doing that, no- having him tell me off does nothing to me anymore. It's the fact that I don't want Andrew to think I still have feelings for Brian.

Andrew knows everything that happened between me and Brian. I told him because I wanted him to know, and to know that none of it matters anymore, because I love him and only him. I just, I need to get this whole thing between me and Brian settled because it's my last regret. And if he and I could somehow put everything behind us and be friends, I think I would be better for it.

Laura says I should try, and this situation is the only thing I still regret. Hmmmmmm...

Anyways I didn't get to see Andrew today. And I won't all week because I have school work to attend to. Another 10 or possibly more days without seeing him, I really don't want to have to do this again. I love him so much, and miss him so much. This whole not seeing each other thing is so hard, I don't know how people in long distance relationships can handle it!

*Muah*

~*~*~

December 13, 2003 - 11:31 a.m.

[Currently listening to: Hotel California by Eagles]

Ugh. Beer.

I'm not a big fan of beer, but it was what I was drinking last night. The Cast Party was sweet, but sad at the same time. I mean the play is over, for good. Me and Rach cleaned up the costume room yesterday, placing everything back where we recived it. It was so sad, I'm going to miss that room. But you this whole thing has been an amazing expirence. Who could have thought that in my last year of high school I would become friends with people that never said two words too me throughout junior high?

Right, cast party. Lets see, events of the night. I showed up at Brett's house around 7 and it was only him and Jermemy there. Guys are... Intresting. I don't think I've ever heard the word Fuck used so many times in one conversation (( or sentence for that matter)) But they were nice, they gave me beer cause I didn't have any alchol. A buncha other people ended up showing up, and I was still the only girl at this point. Intresting Television choices may I add.

Rachel ended up showing up about an hour after me, and she was keeping me company while the boys cheered about the lesbians on the television ((guys)) When the rest of the people showed up it got really fun. We re-enacted our play, drunk. Which was pretty sweet- and yeah. Drinking games, poker ((which I won $1.50 in! thanks to my partner! hehe.)) Jermey was soooooo stoned last night, it was pretty funny. I just had so much fun. Forgot my damn camera tho, grrrrrr. But Crystal and Steph had camera's so maybe they can share some doubles. I know we are making up CD's for everyone from all pictures of the play. Man, can't wait for Monday. :D

I finally figured out what I am getting Andrew for Christmas (( thanks to the goddess that is Nats))

He's going to love it, atleast I'm hoping. It's really cool, and sooooo personal and I can't say cause if he reads in here, it's ruined. Once he opens it then I will tell you all what it is. This is going to be the best Christmas EVER! Seriously, and I am not a big fan of Christmas. But I am going to have so much fun putting this together, and I can't wait til he opens it! Hehe. Going to Call Elle soon and see if she will please please please come shopping with me today and help me find the things, and keep me on Track so that I don't buy everything but what I went to the mall to get. I have a bad habit of doing that.

Hopefully going to get to see Andrew tomorrow. Hopefully. I have plans for that too, aslong as everything can go as I really want it to. *knock on wood* I love being romantic. Hehe.

Write more later if I can.

~*~*~

December 07, 2003 - 5:28 p.m.

Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise.

This world that I found is too good to be true.

Standing here beside, I want so much to give you this love in my heart that I'm feeling for you.

Let them say we're crazy.

I don't care about that.

Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back.

Let the world around us just fall apart.

Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart.

And we can build this thing together, stand in stone forever, nothing's gonna stop us now.

And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have eachother.

Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now.

I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you, whatever it takes to stay here with you.

Take it too the good times, see it through the bad times.

Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do.

Let them say we're crazy.

What do they know?

Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever let go.

Let the world around us just fall apart.

Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart.

Oh, all that I need is you.

All that I ever need.

All that I want to do is hold you forever, forever and ever.

----

I miss Andrew so much. :*(

~*~*~

December 07, 2003 - 1:21 a.m.

[Currently listening to: Nothing's going to stop us now by Starting Line]

Guess what guys, I just woke up.

Yeah, Saturday night/early sunday morning and this whole no-parents weekend, not so fun.

Why you're asking? Well I'm a goody-goody. Plain and simple. My mothers words have been permanently etched into my head. I can't escape it.

Okay, last night kinda, well, blew. First we didn't have a car so that meant that we ended up drinking shine. Enough that my dad WILL notice tomorrow so I'm already grounded and they aren't even home yet. Second I just couldn't seem to relax last night and was kinda freaked out and so I didn't drink alot. Well not that you need alot anyways, but I think I may have had less then a glass. And I kept thinking people were going to break things. I've been drunk at other peoples houses, stumbling around, but mine has alot of stuff from Germany, alot of things that irreplaceble. So if they got broken not only would it break my mothers heart, but it would break my jaw.

Okay, well Kim realized this and said that the "really drunk guys" had to leave. I don't blame her, she lives in a house where everyone is always getting drunk, and she came here to get some peace and quiet for the weekend so she could study. Well I really didn't want to make everyone go out into the like minus 30 degree weather, but it was my cousin's and my ass if anything got broken, and I have to admit it was loud. Well, since Nick didn't like them anyway he was the first to say "Get out". I figured as soon as they smartened up and sobered up they could come back, but consitering as soon as they came in they all went up to my bathroom and one of them got into the bathtub, it's not a good example.

I really felt bad that they had to leave, but the truth it, if anyone had been acting like that I would have asked them to leave. I was afraid something was going to get broken and my parents *trusted* me this weekend. When do they ever trust me? Not alot and so to ruin that was not my plan.

Ella's pissed at me because of last night. She wasn't the really drunk one, she was more or less Sober. She and Jenn both could have stayed, it was only the boys who were off the asses drunk I asked to leave. And yes, I did say that they could come back once they sobered up, but when they showed up it was my Cousin who said they weren't getting back in. And she had final decision, no matter what I said. She was nice enough to come here and stay with me so I didn't have to go to Portland Hills for the weekend.

Okay, so after everyone left the second time ((there was three, I was only around for two. It was Kim the second time)) I went upstairs and talked to Andrew on the phone for a while. I miss Andrew. I miss him alot. But we had a really great converstation, talking about nice things. I just laid on my bed and smiled, because I really was not having fun at this part. I was up in my room wishing my parents would just come home because I didn't want to be left alone anymore.

Anyways, I was eventully forced off the phone and so I returned down the final three. ((Nick, Bethany and Shad)) who were having some fun with the keroke machine. So since we were the ones who had only champayne, we each got barely one glass of shine. Nick ended up getting more because I gave him my glass but none of us were being rowdy, obnoxious or anything. We took some funny photos, watched a scary movie. It was what we should have all done originally and looking back on it I really wish that we had.

Anyways both Nick and Shad eventully went home. Me and Bethany stayed up and watched a bit of Jeepers Creepers then we just went to bed.

Anyways this morning when we woke up I actully made breakfast. Be so proud, and I didn't burn my house down. But I did make a lil mess which I'll wait for daddy to come home and clean up. Hehe. Hey I'm a *princess*

Yeah, so when Bethany left, Kim was still asleep so I like watched TV for a couple hours. Boring family channel movies. She eventully woke up, we walked down to Tim Hortens, so ends the fun part of my day.

When we eventully got home it was about 4o'clock. She got to studying and I jumped on the computer for a lil while and talked to Andrew *happy dance*

Anyways, when I got off she was still studying ((this was about seven)) so I went upstairs in my room to watch a little TV. I guess I was really tired because I fell asleep. Infact at about ten to Twelve I actully woke up, and came downstairs. And so here I am, on the computer writing in here. Wanted to drink a lil tonight, but you know I think I may never drink again. Really. Drinking = Bad.

So apperntly there is a "storm" coming but all there really is a buncha light snow and some rain. Nothing really earth shattering consitering people were like "and the power may go out so..." How disapointing is that?!?! I wanted this giant winter storm to come and like, cancel some things I don't really want to do. Like Sunday Rehurshal. Ick, no. Make it go away. 6 hours I've wanting to KILL MYSELF! Can I pass? Pwease?

Anyways, Kim is currently "studying". She bought a Vin Deseil movie into my house... there are two kinds movies you don't bring into my house.

1. Vin Deseil movies. I hate him. Ugly bald guy. *Gross*

2. Movies that involve Colin Farrell without all his gorgeous hair (aka. Daredevil I'm sure it's a great movie. Colin Farrell bald? I'd rather die!))

I'm willing to forgive her, because she is my cousin. Blood is thicker then water after-all. And also you know, she's gonna invite me to come stay with her in her house after christmas break and that's pretty cool. I'll get to see the college life in full effect. Of course I may not want to see a bunch of guys staggering around drunk off their asses cause apperntly I can see around here when ever I want. Aren't *I* lucky?

Parents may not end up coming home until like Monday because the weather is supposed to be pretty bad around there way. Dangerious snow squals and stuff ((I was watching the Weather channel *smiles proudly*)) We get rain and NB gets like Blizzards.

*couple minutes later* Okay I just returned from outside with Kim. Right now we have freezing rain ((And some snow on the ground)) And it's gone back up to a heavy snow fall warning. *dance* I'd so much rather have Monday cancelled tho. That way I could see Andrew, and there would be snow, and we could make a snow man! :D That would be so amazingly sweet. I love the winter, after summer I think it is one of my favorite times of the year, because it can be exactly like summer only with Snow instead of warm shorts weather. This winter could make some great memories... *knocks on wood*

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... Cake. Yummy chocolate cake which is now offically gone.. hehe. 1 am and I'm eating.. again. *SO* much more fun then drinking, I'm so wired. I'm not going to bed until atleast 3 ((or whenever Kim Decides to go to bed)) Colin just left me *sad face* Awwww... atleast I still have Nats. Damnit, Kim turned the Movie back on. *runs and hids*

Wow, I've been writing this for almost an hour. I guess that means I should stop. Not like I'm going to bed, but now I'm just rambling on about pointless things.

*Muah* - for Andrew. Still miss you.

Good night/morning guys!

~*~*~

December 04, 2003 - 10:15 p.m.

[Currently listening to: First Kiss by New Found Glory]

Wow, is this weekend ever going to suck. Why is it that nothing ever gets to go my way?!?! Let's see, Andrew is grounded this weekend, which means I don't get to see him AT ALL (( which I expected but there was always the change, now it's diffinate.)) I can't drink anyways because I'll prolly end up dying from mixing drugs with Alochol. Kim prolly will sit around the house studying the whole time. She's supose to be my cool cousin!!!

Is it possible to just like skip this whole weekend and go to NEXT Friday when the play is over, and I can actully see Andrew? Another week without him- 2 days is hard! Man.. this severly blows. So many people are like grounded, or just have better things to do. I minus well crawl into a hole and like die. Do I hear the medicine cabinet calling, my headache is deffinatly coming back. I'm so like, dead. I have met my wits end, and I don't think I can go through another week. Nope, I will most likely jump off my roof! And I don't even have snow to catch me!

It was snowing! I saw'd the snow flakes. How come Cape Breton got like a blizzard and we have ummmm - snow that melts in like an hour, yet it's minus 16 degrees. That is not balanced. It just makes me even more unhappy, and crying isn't helping. I seem to have cried a bunch in the last like week. Crying is better then other things, but still it doesn't really help. Not in the ways I wish it would.

I still feel horrible, and really really don't want to have to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to have to face a buncha stress again, that makes me go into the girls bathroom and like bawl. I thought this thing was supose to be fun? Well.. it's not. Infact it's like the opposite of fun. I'm just like my mother... *cringe*... I take on way too much at the same time. I need a vacation, on a tropical island, with those fruity drinks with the lil umbrellas, and too blue waters.

Okay it's decided. I'm stealing a plane, and me and Andrew are running away to our island where we have no tylenol. We just have our fort made of pillows, and our colorful fruity drinks, and our too blue water. Then we can lay out under the stars and it won't be cold! No stressful things. Just relaxing things that make me smile more then anything else in the world ((aka. Andrew))

Hmmmmmmmm... Elle seems to be over the imbreed hick. I'm proud of her. She needs to find her self a nice, non stuck up prick that won't break her heart. I'm thinking Mini Hot-Colin, so is she. Hmmmm.. they would be so very cute together. Plus, well let's see. He's not imbreed. He's not a hick. Yep better then "other guy" for her. Hehehehe, Plus this one doesn't wear women's underwear ((I'm guessing))

I'm crossing my fingers that this weekend doesn't suck like I'm expecting. oh please. oh please. oh please.

*Muah* -- Kisses for Andrew. I miss you so much.

~*~*~

December 04, 2003 - 12:54 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Make my Day by Not By Choice]

Home sick from school, yes I know I should be tucked away tightly in my bed, trying to get better. Well, I would, but I have a humungo essay due tomorrow which needs to be finished, and is barely started.

I don't like stress, stress is the real reason I am so sick. ((Okay, maybe the fact I took too many tylenol is the reason, but sshhh.)) I diffentaly do not handle stressful situations in the bed of manners. With the play, and dance and school, I'm going insane. I just need to be able to go to sleep for a couple days and not have to think about anything. I'm deffinatly running away to me and Andrew's island and like never coming back. It's the best island ever, with a house made of pillows *hehe*

Anyways, Courtney is back from LA. No Colin Farrell but she did get to meet Paul and Billy ((my fav)) from Good Charlotte.. THEN she stood beside benji and joel for like 5 minutes, and she didn't even like talk to them! I was very disapointed, LoL.

Parents go away tomorrow, which rocks. Kim is staying with me, and besides the fact she has to study it should be a funtastic time, as long as I'm not feeling as bad as I am right now. Tomorrow is my last free night/day until like next Friday, or Saturday. Like I said, school, dance and Drama is STRESSFUL! But not matter how badly my head hurts, I am never trying to get rid of a headache like that again. Seriously, at one point ((even tho mummy didn't know about WHY i was Sick)) she was like "I think we should take you to the hospitable" and I was like "Noooooooo" and then yeah, tried to sleep. It was scary, very very scary.

Haven't seen Andrew since Sunday, which sucks. And it will probably be Next Friday or Saturday before I get to. I'll live, I hope. If I don't run away before that- but atleast if I go to the island then he'll be there with me and you know. I could not possibly be happier.

No one is home and I want soup. :(

I can't stand let alone cook, so I guess I'll have to wait until Krista comes home, only 2 more hours. That's not THAT long. I might survive.

~*~*~

November 28, 2003 - 11:50 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Echo by Incubus]

Wow, did tonight ever suck.

We were suppose to go out, a big group of us, and get loaded out of our minds. Did it happen? Well I'm still sober. This has, by far, been one of the worse nights ever. In more way then one, besides the fact that our amazing plans came crashing down around us in flames, but other things have clouded my mind. The only good thing about tonight has been seeing Andrew, which I didn't figure I would get to do. We ended up running into him and a buncha other people so there was like 20 of us.

Oh, but when we were down at the school Jenn's parents came down and liked picked her up. She's going to be so grounded. I feel so bad, and I wish I could do something but I have no idea what I could have done.

Okay, so the night progressed, we chilled at Timmies, where Andrew was the sweetest guy ever and bought me a HUGE ice tea, and all i wanted was a tiny lil one. *muah* I love you so much. But yeah, after timmies, we were still looking for stuff, and coming up empty handed. I don't know why everyone figured I was the one who would provide. I mean, I tried but I couldn't with my annoying cousin watching my every move. I wanted to get drunk more then anyone tonight, since I missed out last time, but I just couldn't get any, and I'm sorry. It's not my fault.

Next weekend should be better. Hopefully my cousin will be staying with me when my parents go to moncton, so I am hoping for friends and booze and a nice comfy co-ed sleepover with everyone. That could be amazing, really amazing. So *fingers crossed* everything goes as planned and nothing gets screwed up, like things sometimes do.

Anyways.

I'm so tired, and freezing and really don't want to be home when my sister has to explain how we got a nice big hole in the wall. So I'm going to bed.

Night.

~*~*~

November 24, 2003 - 7:00 p.m.

[Currently listening to: The only gift I need by Dashboard Confessional]

*one month*

Wow, can you believe it? And so much better then I could have ever thought it could be. I never could imagined I could care about someone so deeply again, and at first I was afraid, but you know - it doesn't matter anymore. Because I love Andrew. I do.

One month and a Day until Christmas. Yeah, I know. I have this weird fear of Holidays that causes me to suddenly be extremely sad. But maybe not this year, maybe this year - since for once I get to stay home - I'll be happy. I'm not promising anything, but it could happen. Anything is possible; :)

You know, Courtney is in LA right now. Prolly hob nobbing with the rich and famous. If she meets Colin Farrell I may have a seizure. No joke.. I told her to bring me something back. A nice souvnier.

Oh goodness, I really want it to snow. Like REALLY want it to snow. It's almost December ((a week)) and it still feels like we are in October. I WANT SNOW!! So I can build and snow man, and go sledding and have a snow ball fight, all the things I use to enjoy doing when I was lil. Hehe.. My inner child is itching to come out. LoL. All the holiday decorations are in the store, and people are talking about presents. ((i bought me 4 presents yesterday.. hehe)) I'm actully kinda excited for Christmas this year, weird. Last Christmas kinda, well blew. I was in New Brunswick against my will and all- but it wasn't just that. It was other things, other things I won't get into. Just things I had on my mind.

I mean, the Christmas Social is on the 18th and that.. that is going to be so amazing. And then Nats is having her X-mas party on the 21st and I can actully go this year. Then... Christmas eve. Christmas eve is going to be amazing. I'm ((hopefully)) going to have my parents old friends coming down to visit us, and that means shopping! And then we are going to like have christmas eve party like we use to, the whole family thing. Which prolly means drunken adults giving me free booze, but I'm not one to complain. :D

Darn it - I *SO* need to study. I loathe studying. It should die in a painful explosion, with lots of fire and glass. Plus, need to learn lines, and I have to do that stupid presentation in Poli Sci on Wednesday. I need to stop thinking, I'm ruining my happy mood.

*muah* kiss for Andrew.

I'm going to go cook me some food so I don't pass out again, hehe. Bad Shannon.

~*~*~

November 24, 2003 - 11:27 a.m.

Breathe in for luck,

breathe in so deep,

this air is blessed,

you share with me.

This night is wild,

so calm and dull,

these hearts they race,

from self control.

Your legs are smooth,

as they graze mine,

we're doing fine,

we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,

that your kiss might kill me.

So won't you kill me,

so I die happy.

My heart is yours to fill or burst,

to break or bury,

or wear as jewelery,

which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;

just lay entwined here, undiscovered.

Safe in here from all the stupid questions.

"hey did you get some?"

Man, that is so dumb.

Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...

so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.

So won't you kill me, so I die happy.

My heart is yours to fill or burst,

to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,

which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,

I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,

the dim of the soft lights,

the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers

and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late

and this walk that we shared together.

The streets were wet

and the gate was locked so I jumped it,

and let you in.

And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist

and you kissed me like you meant it.

And I knew that you meant it,

that you meant it,

and I knew,

that you meant it,

that you meant it.

~*~*~

November 21, 2003 - 10:51 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Going Under by Evanesence]

Andrew just left. *Swoon*

What a great night. A super amazing great night where nothing could be better.

First.. not grounded! Thank godz my math teacher did not tell daddy about a couple things that I missed. He was nice and kept quiet so that after FIVE DAYS! I could actully see Andrew and not go insane! Yesss! He just came online, okay that makes me happier. BIG SMILES ALL AROUND!Anyone who isn't smiling can go to hell (kidding! but common people it's a great day. Smile!)

School didn't suck today, well no more then it usually does. Had this stupid Math in class Assignment that I'm hoping I did well on. And yeah, these really old, boring people that talked in Political Science. I almost feel asleep while being extrememly hyper, if you can tell me how that works it would be appriated, LoL.

Ella and them were planning on going drinking tonight and I did get an invite but I turned down so I could see Andrew, and I mean Elle said I could bring him along with me, but do we all remember the Burris Inncident. I don't think I'm going to mess everything up by getting drunk and trying to jump him. I can do that sober :P. Not to mention the fact that it POURING rain outside. Would I rather have been outside drinking in the pouring rain or in my basement with the most amazing guy in the world.

It's a no brainer.

I just.. love him so much. I know that it's scary to admit but I do. I never could have imagined that it could turn out like this and I'm so glad. Feeling how I feel is so wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything. The happiness he gives me, man, I would give up like all my shoes to keep this feeling as long as humanly possible. I don't think anyone under stands how happy I am right now - or - how much he means to me.

You have no idea what it's like to be sitting there and have someone who you love so dearly tell you how much that you mean to them. It's the greatest feeling in the world and I wish that I could find some way to make everyone in the entire world know what it is like to feel how I am feeling right now.

I can barely write - Barely put down into words what I'm feeling. It's so hard to try and explain what this is like because I can barely concentrate. All I can think about is.. Tonight and how things can only get better from here.

A month on Monday. A month.

Craziness, because it feels just as intense and amazing as the first days we were together when we were dating. The "new-relationship-feeling" is still intack... YES! And we are just as much friends as we are a couple. We still carry on the same converstations we did when we first started talking. Oh my god. I'm in love. I, Shannon Rae White, am in love.

*muah* Love you Andrew :)

~*~*~

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