A Life-Less Ordinary

It's a small world after all.

April 13, 2004 - 7:14 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Still in Love song (?) by The Stills]

My current boyfriend's brother good friends with my exboyfriend's brother.

What are the chances?!?!?

~*~*~

April 10, 2004 - 6:10 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Don't Tell Me by Avril Lavigne]

Since my last entry thing have changed. Bad things mostly... Right now my entire family are going through a big personal issue. And it's going very badly currently. No one know's what exactly we are going to do. Throw in my sister's school failure and it's one big unfun family reunion.

Kill me, please.

It's not been a fun time so far, everyone's emotions are high.

I've been trying to get out of the house as much as possible, and it's been working somewhat. Somewhat. What I need is for it to be two weeks from now. That will be a seriously happy occasion.

Andrew has been keeping me sane though. If I didn't have him right now, I don't know how I would get through this whole thing.

*You're the shoulder I've always known, and the hand that says I'm not alone.

~*~*~

April 04, 2004 - 8:51 p.m.

[Currently Watching on my computer: Somewhere out there by Our Lady Peace]

I put on my trusty pair of faided jeans today, and realized that I've worn them in so much that there is a hole forming in the ass, and the ribbing on the pants is beginning to come loose. Just when they were beginning to fit perfect, and now I'm going to have to replace them.

And I got to thinking about my trusty old jeans. I bought them back in October of 2002, for $70 at Garage. I bought them with birthday money, and I wore them to my birthday "party". They were new, and amazing. They have always been my favorite jeans, because they fit so nicely and are long in the legs.

These jeans have been through everything with me. From the day's when I started liking Brian, to the day's when I became friends with Ash and Elle again, to the painful days of last May, to now and everything I've been through with Andrew. Along every part of the way on this crazy ride through my life.

So then I got to thinking, maybe a trusty pair of old jeans is like a best friend. Right when you've offically worn in the friendship, and you are comfy, problems (or holes) start to develop. Then, like the worn jeans, right at there prime moment, they get replaced with something that is new, and fresh.

Just like my jeans, my "best" friend has been along every part of the way. Through the good, and the bad. Even the horrible and unmentionable. She's always been there for me, especially when times were tough. She never gave up on me. I really thought that things between us were perfect. Like everything bad was behind us.

But I think we've both replaced each other with something newer and fresher. Our friendship has worn down, and there are too many holes in it to fix. I don't think there are enough patches in the world to fix everything.

I guess the thing is, things faid and get worn down. Time does that. You can't change it and go back to when things were still together. Unfortunatly it just doesn't work that way. You just have to continue on and keep those trusty jeans in the back of you drawers where you can wear them on those days when you're feeling down. Just like I'm going to do with the memories we made. Stored in my heart for the days when I'm feeling down, and I want to remember the wonderful time we shared together.

I'm always going to love her, she's my bestfriend. She's more then that, she my sister! No one could ever replace her, ever. She's one of a kind.

~*~*~

April 03, 2004 - 12:26 p.m.

[Currently Watching on my computer: Innocent by Our Lady Peace]

New layout, it's beautiful. Someday I'm going to live in Paris, with all my shoes, and buy really expensive couture (sp?) dresses. And I *WILL* be able to afford them because I will be a famous writer.

Found out yesterday I was selected to write a 2 and 1/2 hour science test. What fun. I don't even get marked for it, I just get to repersent the Province with a buncha other people. Should be *intresting* as I haven't been in science since grade 10 when I took bio and science 10. Yep, I'm going to make us Students look like a bunch of dumbasses. Wonderful.

You know, I miss her. But things are different, and I know it will never be the same. Does that bother me? Of course! I can't imagine not having her as my best friend. But shit happens. Am I going to dwell on that fact? No. If I do that then I may spend the next week and a half in tears. I tried my best to make it work, I put myself out there. I tried but it just didn't work. Now it just seems awkward to be around her, because I can tell she doesn't want me there.

I guess there is no such thing as 'friends forever'. Chick flicks be dammed!

one day you'll have to let it go...

~*~*~

March 31, 2004 - 10:44 p.m.

Tear me open at the seams.

Take everything you need.

Take my heart if you like the beat,

take my lungs if it's hard to breathe, to breathe.

"I'm not cold," she said,

but she's shaking as she's lying next to me naked.

Pulled the hair back from her face to let that smile heat this place.

And this feels so far from real.

I'm lost and I love it.

I can't take it, if you're waiting.

I am ready to tell the world about a girl

who showed me love again for the first time.

And it's everything I dreamed of.

Tell me what you thought about when you were breathing oh so loud,

screaming oh so loud.

Tell me if this is real.

I need to know before I get too close.

So here we lie in this beautiful mess of tangled sheets and beads of sweat.

With my heart in your hand and my neck in the other,

should I be scared or should I come closer?

But it's still beating and I'm still breathing.

You haven't hurt me yet.

Morning always comes too quick when you're around, when you're around.

You leave me lying here so they don't find us out, they'll find us out.

Tear me open at the seams, take everything you need.

Take my heart if you like the beat,

take my lungs if it's hard to breathe.

~*~*~

March 31, 2004 - 10:22 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard]

Well it's been a while, did everyone miss me? I'm sure you did.

Nothing excitingly new is going on. School is going very well this semester. *knock on wood* I've been getting wonderful marks, for the most part, on my tests and ect.

That evil group project I had to do came out with an 85% adverage. That's good since I was so close to running, screaming away a couple times. Or simply just rushing to the bathroom to calm down.

Enough about that.

Law project coming up soon, working with Ally (Duh), should be awesome fun because we're crazy! LoL... well atleast one of us is. *cough*her*cough*

I went shopping tonight to celebrate good marks. Bought a velore (sp?) sweat shirt thingy and a new plaid skirt that I've been wanting for a while. Also got the $60 i "fund raised"... aka got from my dad. Hey, atleast I'll have money for the uniform's for dance.

BTW- Dance comp at the school April 29th... anyone not going to Sylvain's concert should come cheer us on and watch us kick everyone else's asses! Oh yeah! Go Eagles! ((offically shoot me now, I have school spirit!))

~*~*~

March 25, 2004 - 9:47 p.m.

[Currently listening to: As you sleep by Something Corporate]

Today in Law we had a parolee come in and tell us her story, how she got addicted to Heroin and had to steal to keep up her habit, ect. She kept saying how you can't stop an addiction if you don't want to, it's only a choice you can make, and you can't do it for anyone else.

I know my addiction isn't anything I pop into my mouth, or shoot up, but never the less it's an addiction in my opinion. I use to do it everyday just so I could get through the day. It was my security blanket to protect me from everything I wanted to block out. I would hurt myself to make me happy, and to block out bad memories.

But now, I want to stop.

Don't get me wrong, it's been almost 2 months since the last time. But that doesn't mean I haven't felt the urge to do it on more then one occasion. It is the first thing I want to turn to when things are tough, and I want to try and tame it.

I remember last year I "stopped" for 4 months, or atleast tried as hard as possible not to do it, because someone wanted me too, and so I didn't want to disapoint them. I did it for them, not me. The what happened when everything broke down, I started up again. The urge had just kept boiling up until one day I just completely tore my self up. I don't want that again.

This time, I want to stop for me.

I want to stop for good. I don't want this to be my security blanket anymore. I don't want this dark cloud hanging over my head when things get tough. I want to be a good person. I do.

But I don't know what to do now? How do I stop this, Really stop? Try and surpress this feeling deep in my subconcious.

I know it's going to be tough, this has been going on for years. But I'm finally ready to heal.

~*~*~

March 24, 2004 - 9:26 p.m.

[Currently listening to: Theif by Our Lady Peace]

5 months!

Can you believe it, because truthfully I can't.

I love him more then I ever could have imagined I could love a single person. He makes me trully happy, no if's-and's-or-buts about it.

And the thing is, it's the little things that make me love him. His smile, laying with him in silence, his mini-kisses, the way he looks when he's just lying there silent. They're the things that are the most important to me, and the things that make me smile the most.

I truthfully, and I know I've said this before, couldn't imagine my life right now without him. I mean he just completes everything, and he makes everything better. He doesn't even know that he does it, and I don't know how he does it, but he just seems to make everything right.

Seeing his smile brightens up my day.

Hearing his voice cheers me up.

Having his arms wraps around me makes everything just... faid away.

Guess what! I'm beating up my sister's boyfriend.

Why you ask?

Well while she was in the hospital, he decided that he would go out and mess around with one of her friends. Oh, because he was "drunk"! Bullshit, that boy is an ass! He's so going down.

Beating up assholes makes me happy. :)

So that is everything I wish to talk about, because everything else makes me unhappy. So atleast for tonight I'm advoiding it. I'll try to fix the void in my life tomorrow, maybe then she'll hate me less.

Shoe of the Day:

Embroidered Mule

By Manolo Blahnik and is selling for $530.00 at Neiman Marcus online

I think it's cute!

--Yesterday -- ×Parisian Adventure× --Tomorrow--